The labels of what constitutes a text, phone call, or in-person conversation can seem vague. A lot depends on your relationship with the other person and what technological age they grew up in.
Daniel Post Senning, co-author of Emily Post’s Etiquette: The Centennial Edition, says there’s one rule that transcends generations.
“Any conversation that’s likely to be emotionally charged, you want to give yourself the best possible chance to bring all your emotional tools to bear on it,” she says.
Tone, volume, and body language can help change how a message is received and cannot be conveyed over text.
The most common example of conversations that shouldn’t be text messages are breakups. But the range of topics that need to be elaborated is much wider.
Senning says that “sharing information about someone’s death or health, like someone getting a bad diagnosis,” shouldn’t be done over text.
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Alternatively, good news like a marriage proposal or finally moving to your dream city may be better delivered over the phone or in person.
An easy way to tell if a text is a call is to see how long it is. “If you find yourself writing a paragraph via text, maybe give yourself a chance to ask the other person when it’s a good time to call,” Senning says.
In general, texts should be informative. “Who, what, when and where they should be used,” says Senning. “Don’t call me to tell you the address of the party. Just text me.”
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